Felicity

An earthquake behind my eyes. But the room is still.

Ants scattering up and down the page, but its just literature at seconds glance.

-

Life moves in blinding lights, buildings, and sunsets. 

 But today is unlike the others. Time is lost on the faces of memory. 

-

 Seeping through the holes of that hospital blanket. I start to cry.

The melody of the song is pure & strong. 

Something hits close & I lose everything in my Mothers face. 

-

 Vinyled music streams in sweet like sunshine & I can't let go. 

We waltz there in the moment. I conjure up my envisions of the future. 

My first baby in a field of wild flowers. Her hair brushes against her rosy face. 

Skip later to her first meant "I love you." 

"I love you."
As if it meant anything until that moment.   

-

The dust of the blinds falls into the path of the windows sunlight & acoustic guitar fades in. 

Our golden retriever sits lazily in front of the porch door. 

go back.

Faint lapping hushes the atrocity that my eyes fall upon. How could water ever be that cruel?
I collapse into your arms. Whoever you may be. You bid me to look away & in that awful place I know I could be nowhere else but with you. The trials of life bring us closer & happiness pursues us at our front gate.

Is this all okay?
Where is the golden egg?

No, I may be lost. But I'm still here. 

-

I wade into that image of my Mother.

I think of the life I should have grown up with.

Or perhaps one I've already lived. 

The clean lines, the lime green fixtures, the moon landing & everyone smoking.

-

I touch her grave &

it all feels the same.

-

Scripture could never save me, 

but literature might.

-

An angels choir falling around me like feathers. 

If I don't find it, I dare say that might be the end of me. 

But what if I die looking? Is that enough?

 -

       "I won't let them fail. I can't, I'm responsible.

            Those are my men. I won't ever fail them."

-

It's all worth it if it's like it is in my head.  
Nobody knows but
     "I've got a feeling...a feeling deep inside. 

           Oh yeah, alright."

 

© m.f. /Roxywaters Jan. 2011