My thoughts no longer let me think. I've lost feeling. I've lost work. Clarity. Invisible clarity.
Change. shivering in the distance, a figure I can't quite make out. I lose all sense of well being. Suddenly I forget, oh my god, where am I?
There's a ring on my finger. One solitary diamond. It's beautiful. I can't recall if it's real or fake.
Those negative undertones that become your life. Those words that make you the walking dead. Those sentences and phrases that make you dredge through the cold vast white we termed "the american dream".
Bring them to their knees.
Day in Day out:
Invent
Simplify
Delegate
Frustrate
Retrospect
Rework
Solve
Complicate
bed.sleep.dream.alone.
I want to sleep through, not in. I want to dream until there's nothing left. Live in the world my subconscious creates.
I've lost my grasp on knowledge. I've lost all sense of prayer. What is it to pray? in a world of foreign concepts.
The mania takes its course in my body. Chemicals spew and fire in my brain.
Daily warfare.
Its always wet and cold here. I seep into the tile, the only ending I know how to write. To bathe and bask in the splendor of that light...
The sweet and sour notes flow through my ears like delicate dandelions, but I can't understand how none of them know daffodils are my favorite. Why doesn't anyone know daffodils are my favorite?
It happens in a lapse of judgment, a leap of faith, the blink before the wretched cacophony of metal against metal.
It always ends the same.
I know my heart is beating. I know there is blood sailing through my veins but I feel like I am empty, made up of air and blown away.
©m.f./Roxywaters Nov. 2010
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